Fairytale Part 9 - The Thought Plickens

 

For Part 8, click here

Ben, this next bit isn't very long.

I know, it's a development section.

Why do you always get to write the shorter bits? Do you know how long it takes me to interview 7 dwarves about an event?

...you do what?...

 

The seven brothers followed Fred’s tracks up to the gates of their castle. They were quite surprised when they found the gates closed and locked. They blew their horn and hollered till they were horse. Finally, Napoleon approached the gates, and seeing nothing but 7 furious stallions, simply shrugged and told them all to shoo away. After threatening to send the dogs after them, the 7 brothers huffed and puffed and galloped away.

“What do we do now?” Alexander whinnied.

“Well,” replied Dorky, “Let’s head back to the hunting lodge; we’ll sort things out from there.”

And so, they all cantered back to the hunting lodge. Stopping at a stream, they were able to relieve their horse-ness and so arrived at the cottage in their more human form.

Upon their arrival, they were shocked to see Snow White there, sweeping, dusting and cleaning the day away (she had a natural horror of all things dirty). The dwarves, apparently no longer employed at an evil castle, decided to let her stay.

Meanwhile, back at the castle, Fred had introduced himself to the HR Manager. Thrilled at the prospect of employing a talking wolf, Napoleon instantly offered him a very competitive salary for Resident Evil Creature, complete with Eye and Dental plans. Fred, somewhat confused at his turn of fate, quickly accepted the offer. Because his wolfish eyes worked better in the dark, he quickly implemented a black-out policy, whereby all the shades were drawn, no more than necessary lighting was lit, and the “day” shift was to begin at 8:00 at night. Napoleon implemented all of these policies, excited that his new hire was doing an impeccable job of eviling.

After seeing Rose Red faint, the stepmother was in a state of ecstasy. This was partially due to the fact that she knew it was not from fright, but rather, while she had been backing away, she had inadvertently placed her hand on her stepmother’s spinning wheel. Knowing that the spindle was poisonous (made of hemlock), the stepmother knew that they would need assistance.

So she screamed for help.

...wait, so Ben, Rose Red is Little Red Riding Hood, who is Sleeping Beauty?

That would be correct.

...but... there's no prince to wake her!

Josh, Fred had brothers...

...oh...

The Symphony of Heaven

Imagine, if you will, that you’d never heard a song before.

Life was very droll without it, and you plodded along through life without a hope that you would ever hear it, or even comprehend what it was.

Then one day, a Man came and gave you a small piece of paper that said “Admit One” to a concert to take place that evening. After obtaining directions to the concert hall, you sat in the foyer with many other people, all nervously considering what was to come.

And then – you heard it! A moving line of a quiet French Horn coming through the doors to the hall. You rushed to the doors with many others in the room to see what had made this sound. Unfortunately, there was only a very small window on the door, and it was very nearly sound-proof. The gentle brass faded away to nothing and silence again ensued. The small crowd slowly returned to their seats, a quiet buzz of conversation now beginning to seep around the room. Soon, people began to doubt, or forget what it had sounded like. But then, you remembered the line, and hummed the few bars that you could remember. Peoples’ faced brightened at the memory, and silence again ensued.

But suddenly – a new sound! This time, a violin playing a striking, adamant motif that played so clearly that even people out on the street glanced up. Again, there was a rush on the doors to look through, but again, to no avail. The violinist finished the final measure with a brilliant stroke, and again the doors shut in any sound. People returned to their seats, humming the tune, and anticipation grew.

Throughout the afternoon, small pieces and glimpses of the great symphony came through the doors. More and more people came in off the street and waited anxiously for the concert to begin. Then, the Man who had given the ticket Himself walked up to the doors to the auditorium; removing a key from His pocket, He opened them. Everybody in the foyer wanted to go in, but they were slightly intimidated at the thought of a whole symphony. The small lines that they had heard had been beautiful, strong, and awe-inspiring. Would a whole symphony be too much to handle?

“Come in.” Said the Stranger. “I made this hall, I wrote this symphony, and I am the Conductor. It will not be too much to fathom – it will finally fulfill what you’ve been longing for. Come in.”

 

 

Fairytale Part 7 - The Fred, Red, and Lumber Jack

Josh! I found some of our notes!

Really? Which part?

The page that opens with “And directly after Snow White fell off the cliff, the queen was turned into a Newt, and Jack turned into a lantern.”

Um… Ben, that was an earlier draft.

Rats. Ok, carry on then!

It’s your turn to write, Ben.

…I knew that…

Well, word was not long in spreading that the queen had been evicted, and that directly afterwards a huntsman had been dispatched from the castle. When Snow White and Rose Red heard the news, they were unsure as far as how to proceed. Was she in fact their foe, and the huntsman was simply doing his job, or were the tables somehow turned?

They were not long in wondering, for the next morning, as they ate their bread and baked beans, the Prince’s Deeply was delivered to their doorstep. On the front page, prominently displayed, was a picture of the queen being evicted from her home being chased by the vertically-challenged. It also mentioned the fact that a huntsman had been dispatched with orders to bring back his quarry… alive.

Well, the two sisters quickly consulted themselves and each other as to their course of action. The queen was obviously in trouble, and if she was on the run, would not have had a chance to read the headline to know she was in danger. Therefore, via a coin toss (Rose Red lost when she called Asparagus and the coin landed television), they decided which would go to warn their relation.

“Now, remember our summer lodge up on the mountain?” Snow White prompted.

“Yes! The one where we would hunt for gnomes with laser tag guns.” Rose Red replied.

“Excellent – the queen will likely head there, as the huntsmen are unfamiliar with its location.”

And so, donning a hooded cloak, Rose Red ran as quickly as she could in the direction of the summer cottage.  Of course, when running, one tends to exhaust rather quickly, and so she came to rest along the trail. Whilst sitting there, she was confronted by a wolf.

Now, dear reader, you will understand that this was no normal wolf, but rather, Prince Frederick in his animalian form. Seeing what appeared to be a damsel in some sort of distress, he sought at once to help her.

“Hello, Red.” He growled (for he could do no other). “How are you today?”

“Oh,” She said, rather frightened at being spoken to by a wolf. “I am fine, thank you.”

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Fred continued.

“To my step-mother’s house.” Red replied.

“Hmm. Well, I hope you have a safe trip. Be careful, there are some dangerous animals in these woods.”

Red just stared at him.

As soon as she was on her way, Fred thought frantically about how to help. He had read his brother’s headline that morning, and quickly recognized that Jack, the huntsman, was probably out to do the queen in. In addition, he knew where the cottage was, and knew he could get there very quickly. Therefore, he at once went as quickly as he could to the cottage, taking the short-cut, in an attempt to help the queen if he could.

It was not long before Jack came to the same place where Red and Fred had had their consultation. He instantly recognized the wolf tracks, and shouldering his axe, began the trek to follow Fred’s path.

Ben, this is getting scary again…

Ok… you may need to make the next part… less scary somehow.

Sounds good. Stand by...

Chongqing - the Second Journey

Well, while I’d intended to do a blog post every few days, it would seem that I am constrained to only one per week. That said, there’s definitely lots to discuss as far as my trip here thus farly.

My trip here was uneventful – 20 hours of flying with limited sleeping makes Ben a sleepy boy. However, only one day was rough for jetlag, so I was able to hit the ground running, though I’m afraid that my trip back will not result in as much tireless-ness.

The first week has been very busy with few tangible results. We are still sorting out a lot of things about processes here, so we have actually completed very few printers compared to the amount of time we’ve put in. We have, however, made many fascinating discoveries whilst here.

First – Orange Juice in this country tastes like Tang and has the ability to electrically shock you. No joke – everybody was zapped upon making contact with the fluid. We put an ohmmeter to it and found that there was likely a very high metal content in the juice. And I thought you only needed oranges to make orange juice…

Secondly – Hot Pot is still definitely hot pot. This region is famous for its spicy food, sometimes with a delayed reaction. Somebody will put a bite of food in their mouths and, when no fire appears immediately, continue the chewing with ease. Seconds later, however, his comrades will be treated to some exclamation of surprise, such as “Oh boy…” or “uh-oh...” (or others, that I won't mention here...) as the fire surfaces in his mouth and he frantically reaches for a water glass, but to no avail. Moments later, sweating, huffing and puffing, and sure he will never taste anything ever again, the burning will finally subside, and the person can again breathe easily, now more wary of what else he puts in his mouth.

Thirdly-most – this city is beautiful when decorated for Chinese New Year. Those of you who have viewed my FB have seen many pictures of this city at night. Since it has been windy and rainy, the air is surprisingly clear, making for very nice evening outings.

Fourth – there are pigs in the shopping malls here. Pig petting zoos, in the mall. No hand sanitizer anywhere nearby. Enough said.

Fifth – there is a cable car whereby one crosses the river. It was a lot of fun, though an accidental, illegal viewing of the engine room left us wondering ever so slightly as to the robustness of the system. However, we did enjoy the trip, as well as our unplanned excursion down 5 stories of steps that led us to said engine room in an attempt to find an exit. Needless to say, we needed to retrace our steps back up the stairs to re-enter the permissible zone.

Well, I hope you did not finish this memorandum bored, and perhaps slightly lighter after laughing. Excuse me now, I must return to my hot chocolate as I prepare for the day tomorrow. Tsai Chi!