Once Upon a Time...
Dear Reader, if ever there was a historian’s cop-out, this
introduction is the epitome.
Generally, when recounting an event, both a time and a place
are provided. However, this introduction provides neither. For a time, one may
say “1746”, or perhaps “last week”, or (in extremely
rare situations) “the same day that my aunt Ruth had her beard shaved off”; an
author ought to provide some reference to when in history this recounting
occurred.
Secondly, “Once Upon a Time” does not provide a location. Again,
bare minimum, dear reader, would be something to the effect of “In France”, or “At
my friend’s house”, or “the barbershop with a very gutsy barber”.
While it is unknown whether or not our friends, the Grimm
Brothers, invented the term or simply made it popular, they are very much to
blame for this current decline in information. Dear reader, certainly, when you
sit down to read a fairytale, you want to obtain historical and geographical
context for the story about to unfold.
Therefore, in an attempt to reverse the trend in fairytale
introductions, we shall open our story thusly:
“We don’t know when or where this happened.”
Wait, wait – Ben, what
kind of an introduction is that?
Well, Josh, it’s
better than the classic version.
But you’ve totally
scared them away at this point.
Josh, if this is
intimidating, they will never survive the tale about the Prince in the Well.
Or for that matter,
the three little pigs – it’s gruesome when you think about the huntsmen
cutting out one of their hearts to bring to the queen.
Even worse – what about
the prince that keeps kissing seemingly dead princesses?
Good point – Ben, have
we rated this yet?...